Skip to main content

Twenty One

I have learned that a fresh start must start at your mind before any other place. Trust me the decisions that are made from the inside are so much harder than those externally edited yet much less visible. It takes 21 days for an action to become a habit, that's 21 days too long. It will take me 21 days to be me again but this void is so compelling to continue living in. I am trying to motivate myself, to create an illusion of a finish line but I know too fondly that there is nothing. I mean doing the bare minimum drains me, how will I push myself forward? I genuinely do not know, and from some perspective I pity myself for letting myself fall this low and even worse not pushing myself back up. So I am sorry me but the days are too long and we're together for 24 hours too long and I can't think of more escapes from me. I am sorry for all the years I pushed me past my limits to only land us here. I am sorry for selling myself out. I am sorry for the way this turned out. I am sorry for not being my own hero. I am sorry for raising your hopes up far too many times. I hope one day I can make it up to me even if it takes 21 days. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diaries of a nurse: The Labor Room

I remember the very first baby I saw come to life had such a beautiful mother.   Finally, we were upgraded to the labor room! The first week was filled with gauze and linen sheets. It was an eternal process of making beds and folding gauze, and honestly I started to doubt  the day to enter the labor room was ever going to co me and if it was worth all that preparatory work . Everyday, women would come and give birth and there would be other nurses in-training like ourselves that were very “pushy’, so as you could imagine, we were always asked to leave and they would get the chance to watch the gift of life. Next thing we did was go in extra early and build strong relationship with all the people in the labor room. However, we would always arrive 2-3 minutes later than a birth, yet we would get to clean the beautiful newborn and dress them up and our mission was soon to be accomplished! So, the next day we got in, there was such a beautiful woman, painfully l...
3 comments
Read more

The Power of a Decade

I remember my excitement for 2010 I had just turned 11 and the world seemed to be my oyster, I had a whole plan set out for myself. I was a hardheaded child with a plan, a well thought of plan, I was going to graduate high school at 17 and start university directly after, as a law student of course, and Harvard was the obvious choice. Nothing seemed too far, nothing seemed unreachable, every dream I had was valid, every dream was a possibility. It is hard to reminisce the past, how all that energy is long gone, I blame this war for it.  In February of 2015, I was sixteen preparing for my AS-Levels to elevate my chance of getting into a league school, my life revolved around books and studying, I would stay put for six hours straight without budging studying maths day in, day out. I missed out on so much all for an exam I never took because the moment this aggression began all hell broke loose, everything was cancelled and I was left to panic and cry that my life plan wou...
1 comment
Read more

Hope Springs Eternal

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be blessed. The soul, uneasy and confined from home, Rest and expatiates in a life to come." This was extracted from, An Essay on Man by Alexander Pope. The writer had a connotation of the concept of life after death, but I've always believed a word can be viewed different every time you read it, that being said I will interpret it. Our hearts are filled with despair and hope; endless, vast amounts. They originate from our hearts; a spring. Human kind, our race is abundantly enviable we don't discern it. Alas, we are never content. We have our comfort zones, our safe havens that we wish to never retreat from yet we don't value or cherish them. Life forces us to relinquish them at some point.Then and only then do we long for our harbors. Our asylums. But in due course with hope and humility we fathom the significance of the change and we begin to adapt and rest tranquilly. Hope is...
2 comments
Read more