The Ambiguous Odyssey

We grow so accustomed to certain rituals, like the way we have our morning coffee without a touch of cream, but I never thought I would find death so routine. Three years into an unjust war against my country and each day turning into another dozen of funerals, yet here I am sipping my coffee and staring at a screen as if nothing is happening. It’s not that I am unmoved by the reality of what’s going on, rather I’ve been programmed into an object that finds death nothing out of the ordinary. The daily raids that steal these lives no longer fill me with sadness but the void is filled with hatred and rage towards not only the coalition that’s attacking us, but also the people who watch the suffering silently and believe -yes, truly believe- that they are allowed to be so unbiased. Three years into this war and here I am done with my first year of university but have absolutely no future to think of, not a single plan for the next few years other than praying that my backyard won’t d...

I am here to describe my experience as a nurse in the ER. At first, I thought I would spend my first week in training in the pediatrics section or even better with the premies. However on July 16, I was destined suddenly through a series of coincidences into the ER. The moment I set foot in there I was shocked not by the filth -even though that truly was a problem- but rather the treatment how there is suddenly this huge gap between the person who wears a lab coat and the common citizen. These people enter this hospital in seek of help, of assistance, even if this is a public hospital they are still live beings who deserve their fair share of care. My mother has always been a strong believer that hospitals aren’t the answer, hence, I’ve never entered a hospital here in Yemen. This experience gave me a broad vision of the reality of my country.   No, this isn’t because of the coalition. Yes, there are a lot of bumps on the road due to the coalition, but to know that people no l...

There is some sort of unspoken of serenity in watching the windows while the air raids occur. It's as if the more I stare the less likely it will be our turn. You think you'll grow accustomed to the bombings but you don't. Every time a missile hits the ground it feels like the first day. Even after the raid stops I still await the next hit or when it will in fact be me. A shudder then a loud boom. I am impressed by the strength of my frail window made of steel and glass. I know at some time, some year, I will no longer hear an air raid, but by then I'll be too accustomed.   A bomb dropped while Yemenis were paying their condolences to the martyred president With every bomb drop I wonder why me? What makes me so special? Why hasn't my youth been stolen? These war crafts have destroyed everything dear to us. They've killed our president, and with every passing day I wonder when this will end? When will we get the chance to move forth? It's funn...

Lord, as time goes by it is hard to look back or reminisce upon anything. Maybe I try my best to avoid looking back or even peeking because it hurts to look back into a time that is no longer tangible, a life that is no longer ours. It is hard to move forth without -genuinely- moving forth. So, dear Lord I come here as your humble sinner asking you for the strength to endure these coming days, the power to see further than these simple minds. Enlighten me with your wisdom to see these men as more than what they utter; as humans, as wholes. It's becoming such a hard journey from darkness to light because dear Lord there is so much darkness encompassing my days. Lord, how can I see the good in the world, the future ahead with some glimpse of undecided hope? Where as I grow older I fear I won't be worth the wrinkles I’ll be wearing on my face if I haven't made a change, if I continue accepting their square shaped brains and raven black hearts. It has become a disgust...

It’s been a   month since I began writing this blog, but it just became harder to post each day that passed. I can’t identify why I have this constant feeling of fatigue; the unwillingness to make any effort to do anything at all. That being said, I made a vow to continue blogging, so here’s my attempt to complete my unfinished piece. Four. That’s all we are four helpless, defenseless women and a cat. My mother, her elder sister, my elder sister, and myself; the four of us in our 3 story home showered by rockets and missiles. We’ve had a tough week since Saturday, December 2 the day Tarek Saleh’s militias took over our neighborhood and placed a real live cannon on the ground and real live assassins on the rooftops. I genuinely believed I would die. Yes, I’ve been showered by missiles and rockets since march 25th, 2015, but in some absurd way assassins are much more alarming then rockets falling from the sky. So the first two days we were panicking because our fridge was near e...

Why did this happen? How did we grow so numb to all the damage happening? When did we become so passive? Yemen is on the brink of the world’s worst famine. We are isolated due to the Saudi led coalition’s decision to block our access to the world. Fuel has risen up to 60%. The dollar is escalating rapidly. People are out of jobs. Children are hungry. There is a cholera outbreak. What more is left? this is by all means genocide.   We’ve been under a constant shower of air raids for the past 962 days. We wake up every day and defy death, but now not only do we fear death by a missile n ow we fear death by starvation. Saudi has no right to isolate us from the world. And the world has no right to turn the other cheek to what’s happening in Yemen. You are all held accountable for every death happening here. Every soul. Every martyr. Every orphan. You are all taking part in this brutal, inhumane war.

In my tender, brutal days I’ve come to learn that connections can’t be enforced, some things are inherent, a natural reflex. We grow up believing that emotions are always two sided, that even the dark days aren’t that dark, to some extent that might be true, but as we evolve mentally we realize that life is far from fair. As we move forth we conclude that our connections may reach a certain depth then break off, and that is ok. It’s okay to end a link even if it’s a blood link. Nothing is worth than enforcing emotions, enforcing a connection. Blood links are the hardest to surpass but sometimes they are the most toxic ties we have. Letting go of that string is scary, but in time you’ll learn how to fly. Be brave and have faith in your strength; most importantly have faith in your self, even if you feel like your frail and weak. You have so much more to give back to this world as you stand solely at the top of your summit about to take off. You don’t need those chains to rise,...